"Life isn't just about what you do it's more about how you do it" Family VS Morality in The Farewell

I realised that last week was supposed to be Fi’s Favourites…oops. My apologies. So this week I will get back on track. This week’s Fi’s Favourites is Lulu Wang’s 2019 A24 production The Farewell.

This is not the first time an A24 production has featured in this blog. We have already had Midsommer and The Florida Project and no doubt there will be more to come. Whether it is a horror, coming-of-age film or a good old-fashioned drama, A24 seems to do no wrong.

They aren’t afraid to go with something considered to be ‘out there and their more art house-style films always seem to connect with a mainstream audience. This is probably due to the relatable undertones present in their films.

Based on a real-life lie, The Farewell follows Chinese-born but American-raised Billi and her family. When their matriarch Nai Nai is given a terminal diagnosis, everyone agrees it is best that she does not know; everyone, that is, except for Billi. Under the guise of a wedding, the family gathers to be with Nai Nai in what they believe to be her final weeks. Billi wrestles with herself and her family in order to find an answer to a complex moral dilemma.

One thing that struck me about this film was its surprisingly dull colour pallet, which fits with the film’s serious undertone, but not with its sharp sense of humour. It certainly follows in the footsteps of many other A24 productions and has very stylish cinematography; well-thought-out, symmetrical shots and quick editing that often add to the film’s humour.

Something you have probably guessed by now is that The Farewell has a great sense of humour and a lot of that originates from the idea of death and the struggles of family get-togethers. Watching the other family members sweat fearing that Billi will let the cat out of the bag, adds a witty, if not morbid, tension to so many scenes. There is an elephant in the room for much of this film and it’s a funny one.

This film is about cultural differences and, for Billi, being stuck between where she comes from and where she grew up. However, I think the moral complexities present in the film will resonate with people from varying cultures. Many Irish people will resonate with this story as it was widely believed that it was better that people didn’t know that they were dying as knowing would lead to a quicker, sadder passing, filled with fear. Of course, not only can you not do that now, it isn’t widely believed to be the ‘right’ thing to do. In Ireland, it is a sign of a change; a change of attitude coming from a new generation.

The simplicity of the film allows for very complex dilemmas to be explored. One thing I love about this film is that it is Billi’s story more than it is Nai Nai’s and the issue of her illness is a medium through which Billi discovers more about herself and where she comes from. Even if she cannot see that herself, we can and her family can.

America is the land of freedom, of opportunity and very much the land of the individual. Each American has the power to control their own destiny and be whoever they desire. Contrasting with China, I believe Billi’s uncle puts it best in the film:

You think one's life belongs to oneself. But that's the difference between the East and the West. In the East, a person's life is part of a whole. Family. Society.

For me, this reflects a very relevant issue in America. It is a fractured place where nobody seems to care for anybody but themselves and the film challenges this in a non-confrontational way, in an emotive way; in a way that suggests sometimes the right thing for someone is protecting them from sadness.

As I said, one thing I love about this film is that it is Billi’s story, but what’s so clever about it is that Billi doesn’t know it’s her story. Her Nai Nai is a conduit for self-discovery. Billi is being selfish without knowing it. This issue of the truth is more about Billi than her Nai Nai. What’s also enjoyable and refreshing is that our protagonist doesn’t necessarily win. There is no triumphant resolution for Billi, more discovery of the importance of tolerance and understanding.

This film is a sweet depiction of a family split by geography but forever connected despite their differences. Even though this movie highlights a difference in cultures, it is not exclusive to any one culture or country. This is a story about family, sacrifice and wrestling with our own morals and that is something everyone can relate to.